Tales of the Parodyverse

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Anime Jason
Sun Mar 26, 2006 at 01:41:12 am EST

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Adventures In Parodyverse: Falling Star Part 2 (UT#265+ tie-in)
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Part 1


Adventures In Parodyverse - Falling Star Part 2 (UT#264 tie-in)

Note: This edition is a collection of scenes happening in between UT#265 scenes or between #264 and #265. I try to stay up to date but no promises.


    "You're cheating, aren't you?"
    
    Joe Pepper was startled and suddenly dropped the sandwich he was about to take a bite out of onto the floor. He sighed and groaned pitifully, and looked to see who caught him. A young Chinese girl he remembered seeing around but never really spoke to.
    
    "Cheating?" he asked, hoping she was referring to something completely unrelated to the roast beef and cheese sandwich he made for himself and then dropped.
    
    "Yes." Liu Xi nodded. "Yuki asked me to keep an eye on you while she's gone."
    
    ManMan mumbled something about her keeping an eye on him like the Hooded Hood. She already gave him the creeps, having snuck up on him in a kitchen with a noisy tile floor.

    And it didn't help that Knifey was cheering her on. "Hah! Busted! I told you so!" Knifey announced.
    
    "Shut up," ManMan told his sidekick as he kneeled to clean up the remains of what would have been a very good sandwich. It was quite a pity...hot roast beef, mustard, melted cheese, toasted thick bread...
    
    "Did he use you to make that sandwich?" Liu Xi asked the knife. She seemed angered by the prospect.
    
    "Hell no," Knifey replied. "If he tried he'd be wearing lots of band-aids right now."
    
    "Thanks a lot for the support," ManMan mumbled.
    
    "Why do you fight this diet?" Liu Xi asked ManMan. She dug a bag of tortilla chips out of the closet and began munching on them, which drove ManMan nearly to drooling.
    
    "I'm so...hungry. And sore. And tired," ManMan whined.
    
    She shook her head. "No willpower at all."
    
    "She's got you pegged," Knifey contributed.
    
    ManMan looked down at the sentient knife. "Don't help me, please."

    "If you're going to say things like that to me you'd better buy a shoulder harness," Knifey suggested helpfully. "Right now it kinda looks like you're talking about the girl to your manhood...or what's left of it, anyway."
    
    Liu Xi choked on a mouthful of tortilla chips as she tried to stifle a giggle. She tried to look serious again when ManMan turned a bright shade of red. "What do you think of Yuki, anyway?"
    
    ManMan shrugged. "She's relentless and gives me nothing but pain right now. But she's kind of hot otherwise."
    
    "If you get into shape maybe you'd have a chance with someone like that." Liu Xi raised an eyebrow and grabbed a bottle of water before leaving the kitchen.
    
    "She's right, you know," Knifey said after Liu Xi left. "I mean, when was the last time you've been on a successful date? Though Yuki is way outta your league."
    
    ManMan grunted and tried to ignore the talking knife as he treated himself to a few almonds, the only snack food Yuki actually allowed him to have.
    
    "Or how about that Asian hotness you were just talking to? I hear Elvis liked 'em young."
    
    ManMan ignored Knifey some more, opened the refrigerator, and stared at the beer and the roast beef longingly.
    
    "I'm telling," Knifey taunted him.
    
    Joe Pepper frowned and slammed the refrigerator shut. It would be a long six weeks. Meanwhile, he had a job to do.


---


    "You have a baby?" Lara Night asked CSFB! when she caught him standing on a back porch with a small child in his arms. "I missed a lot while I was gone."
    
    "So did I," CSFB! admitted in an almost uncharacteristically calm fashion. "I mean, it was a surprise to me...kind of. But I'm glad it happened."
    
    "I'm not all that surprised." Lara shrugged. She smirked slightly as she added, "You have quite a strong yearning for very powerful and exotic women. I guess Pelopia counts as one, eh?"
    
    CSFB! smiled at that, an almost unusually mellow smile. He looked at Lara and perfectly calmly told her, "I still love looking into those eyes of yours."
    
    She shrugged slightly and smiled shyly at the obvious flattery. "Aren't you going on a mission soon?"
    
    He nodded. "That's why I'm spending a little time with the baby. This is one of those rare moments, you know? The light out here is just right, and it's close enough to spring that nature just starts to awaken and speak to you."
    
    "People still look at me funny because of that night," Lara laughed. "I guess most of them don't know this side of you."
    
    CSFB! nodded again. "I'd better give the baby to April. I have to get ready."
    
    "Stay safe, okay?" Lara looked down at the baby as CSFB! passed her. "You have someone who depends on you now."
    
    "I'm sure you'll do fine without me," CSFB! joked.
    
    Lara shook her head and went back inside as CSFB! headed upstairs.
    
    "Oh good. We need some help."
    
    Lara turned around and noted Lisa Waltz, remembering that she was sort of a den mother for the Lair Legion, keeping them all in line. At that point she was sure the last phrase she heard was more of an order than a request. "With what?" she asked.
    
    "You're the electric girl, right?"
    
    "Um...I guess so." Lara shrugged.
    
    "Al B Harper just realized that the power backup systems are inadequate for Hallie's current...situation," Lisa told her. "So he built a few better batteries and more efficient transformers."
    
    "Okay. Where do you need help?"
    
    "The problem is," Lisa continued, "We...kind of can't hook it up. We would have to turn off the power to hook it up, and if we do that the original backup systems won't hold out, so...you can see the problem."
    
    "So you want me to hook it up live?" Lara asked.
    
    "You can do that, right? I mean, Al didn't just make that up?"
    
    Lara nodded. "Sure. It's easy."


---


    Lara wasn't aware of just what she was getting into when she arrived in the utility room of the Lair Mansion basement. Or what used to be a room, anyway - now there were thick cables dangling from the ceiling and dozens of plastic barrels lined from wall to wall. The barrels had smaller wires coming from them which were attached to the larger cables on the ceiling.
    
    "We should be able to get a month's worth of power from this battery," Al B was explaining, his voice echoing off the solid walls. "More if we can keep the amperage down."
    
    "Hello." Lara waved at Al B Harper, noting the tall curvy blonde in the jump suit next to him. "You needed my help?"
    
    "First I should tell you that Al B Harper is my lover and you're not to touch him," the blonde warned Lara.
    
    "Kinki, I told--"
    
    "Shut up," Liu Xi interrupted him calmly, as if it were something she said all the time. Her request was for Kinki, as Liu Xi was looking directly at her.
    
    "What am I supposed to be doing?" Lara asked.

    "You can't speak to me that way!" Kinki looked at the Chinese teen and her eyes narrowed.
    
    "It's simple," Al B explained to Lara, ignoring the rest of the conversation going on around him, "Take all of these six hundred volt live insulated cables and hook them up to the autoswitch on the wall. None of the rest of us would survive the experience."
    
    "I just did." Liu Xi went back to munching the tortilla chips, seeming unconcerned with Kinki's implied threats.
    
    As Al B handed Lara a thick steel wrench to attach the heavy cables to the autoswitch, she quickly figured out why she was chosen to do the job. Even getting close to the end of the cables caused bright blue electrical arcs to occasionally fire out and attack the wrench. It didn't disturb Lara at all, but the others in the room were moving far away from her.
    
    "Don't worry," she told them, "I'm absorbing all energy around me. You're safe." She inadvertently illustrated her point when Kinki produced a weapon and fired a bolt at Liu Xi, but the bolt unexpectedly hit Lara instead.
    
    "That's kind of cool," Al B noted calmly.
        
    After wrenching the remaining cables onto the autoswitch, Lara watched as Al B turned it on and blue and green LED's lit up across a plastic panel on its front. "It works!" he cried out triumphantly.
    
    Everyone braced for the inevitable explosion. But the explosion didn't come from the electrical panel or the batteries. Liu Xi cursed at Kinki and then focused on her weapon, causing it to catch fire. Kinki was fortunate enough to drop the weapon before became hot enough to melt.
    
    "I have more of those, you know," Kinki warned the Chinese teen. She turned around and noted a very displeased Yuki standing inches away from her. "What do you want?" Kinki arrogantly asked.
    
    Yuki thought a moment about just how she was going to hurt Kinki. But then she let that thought pass, and she decided instead to ignore Kinki completely. With someone who carried such a superior air, that would be an even bigger insult.
    
    "Al, can I talk to you for a moment?" Yuki asked.

    The happiness Al B felt at having solved the power problem suddenly drained away, and he mindlessly followed Yuki into the other room.
    
    Lara quickly stepped between Kinki and Liu Xi before the situation could escalate again. "Okay, opposite corners you two."
    
    "I don't take orders, I give them." Kinki told her. But Lara ignored her - out of respect for Lara, Liu Xi had already abandoned the fight and gone back upstairs.


---


    Al B Harper produced a small flower made entirely of different metals, and handed it to Yuki as a peace offering. Only she would understand such an odd attempt at making peace.
    
    Just as he guessed, Yuki took it from him and smiled delicately. "I thought I told you to keep your distance from me."
    
    He shrugged. "I...thought I'd venture a risk."
    
    Yuki forced away her smile and folded her arms, trying to look as stern as possible. "I'm still very disappointed, Al," she told him.
    
    "I know." Al B Harper sighed and lowered his head.
    
    "You're going to have to try and prove yourself to me now." Yuki gently reached out and raised his chin. "So you're going to have to ask yourself if you think I'm worth it."
    
    She then sighed and quietly left the room.
    
    "You are," Al B Harper whispered only to himself.


TO BE CONTINUED?


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2006 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
-- Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
-- Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin




To the Spirit of the Night, I surrender...


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